In this room

Here I sit in this room memory

Basking in the glow of a passing day

It’s easy to do

After all, we came through

To reflect on today’s yesterday

Fragrance of today is variety

While yesterday’s stagnant and dank

But if that were true

About either of the two

Then how do our memories rank

While a picture paints a thousand words

Of what the seer sees

It can’t compare

To memories there

Of what experience frees

Oh time has past and time has come

But time’s not standing still

Young age to old

What’s bought was sold

And memories, of themselves, have no will

Ah in this room memory

A breeze flows through the past

Over tears and dirt

Smiles and hurt

In this room where memories last

Stop and Pray

Heavenly Father,

I give thanks to you who are wise and loving. I thank you for life, health, and strength. I am grateful to know you and know that you hear my prayer.

I don’t wait to see if you will answer my prayer. I go on believing you will answer my prayer whether it is yes, no, or wait. I believe you are the just God, so whatever you say is right and on time.

Father I am so grateful for the privilege to come to you. I admit I am not perfect, and I make bad decisions from time to time, but yet you who are always perfect look pass my shortcomings and become my strength when I am weak. Thank you Father for loving me whether I do right by you or not. I am sorry for the times I make excuses to do things that aren’t pleasing to you.

Father, I pray for all those in leadership. I pray they lead humbly, concerned about those who follow them. I pray all leaders maintain good health, be sober minded, lead by example and wisdom, and be influenced by what is best for the situation and not what is popular or pleasing to power outside of you.

I pray our children are protected and guided by love.

I pray marriages are built on love and respect.

I pray singles are empowered to live whole and established.

I pray we reverence and care for the older among us.

I pray we seek to be a strong nation, compassionate, and hospitable to each other.

I pray those experiencing loss will not be broken by grief but strengthened in living to honor the memory of what is loss.

I pray that eveyone who reads this prayer will be inspired to live better, love freely, and laugh with joy that springs from the inside despite their present situation.

Again I thank you Father for hearing my prayer and I pray it reaches horizontally as it flows vertically for your glory. In Jesus’ name Amen.

There are times

Today I was binge watching the anime Black Clover. It’s not as high ranked as One Piece, Dragonball Super, or My Hero Academia, but I enjoy it. I watch the subbed version because the translation makes more sense with what I am watching than the English dub. However, the english dub voice for the main character is easier on the ears.

As I watch the show, there are times when I would like to be watching it with others who like me, and the show. There are times like this when it becomes undeniable that I am different.

Do I feel lonely? Not really. Being alone is not bad, but there are times when I it would be nice to experience good things with others.

I’ve looked on Facebook, searched different chat rooms (I watch Black Clover on Crunchyroll and Funimation and visit their forums), just to chat about some of the anime I enjoy. I am looking for kindred spirits, but there are times when it seems my way of thinking and viewing anime is quite different from others. It’s not the disagreement that’s the problem. It’s that some relate to looks of characters or some are too philosophical, or the ones that join the chat to talk politics, religion or discrimination that has nothing to do with the episode or show.

Black Clover is about two abandoned boys who were left on the door step of a church in a world where magic is everything. One of the boys, Yuno, the support main character, came with a pendant that is still a mystery, has great magical powers and is a part of the best magic knights group, the Golden Dawn. Asta, the protagonist, was the only person known to be born without magic, but was able to join a magic knights group. The Black Bulls magic knights however, are known as the worst, and most destructive group.

This show does have politics, religion, and discrimination embedded in the storyline. So we can talk about those things as they pertain to the show.

There are times when just writing about these things gives a sense of ease, but it doesn’t quite solve the problem. But there are times when feeling at ease is all that is needed to begin to solve the problem. As Asta says, “Never give up is my magic”. I’m sure there is a way to share this enjoyment with others.

Just taking a Moment

So grateful to see another day

I have been having problems with my vision diminishing

So grateful to hear today

There have been times when I questioned what I heard because it sounded garbled

Truly grateful to bite and chew and swallow

A tooth is broken and others are soft and my throat feels constricted at times

So grateful for the activity of my limbs

My bones are degenerating and my veins are restricting blood flow

So grateful to be able to appreciate smells and tastes

I have been sensitive to smells while my taste buds have become dulled

Just taking a moment to both acknowledge I’m aging while staying grateful for all I can still do

God knows best; I won’t complain

I cry out to God; yes, I shout. Oh, that God would listen to me! When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord. All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven, but my soul was not comforted. Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again be kind to me? Is his unfailing love gone forever? Have his promises permanently failed? But then I recall all you have done, O Lord ; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago. O God, your ways are holy. Is there any god as mighty as you? You are the God of great wonders! You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations.
Psalms 77:1‭-‬2‭, ‬7‭-‬8‭, ‬11‭, ‬13‭-‬14 NLT

When I was younger there was a song that helped me through tough times by reminding me that in every problem and harsh situation, there is an opportunity to see God’s greatness.

“I’ve had some good days

I’ve had some hills to climb

I’ve had some weary days

And some sleepless nights

But when I look around

And I think things over

All of my good days

Outweigh my bad days

So I won’t complain

God has been good to me

He’s been so good to me

More than this whole world

Could ever be

He dried my tears away

Turned my midnight into day

So I say Thank You Lord

I won’t complain by the latePaul Jones

I have never heard of days like these and I’ve never experienced situations like these. There are times that I feel abandoned by the God I’ve served the majority of my life.

Unlike Asaph, whose Psalm I shared above, I felt I caused God to abandon me. King David felt the same way.

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? I groan in prayer, but help seems far away.
Psalms 22:1 NET

King David also wrote:

Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread. Psalms 37:25 NLT

In the King James version, instead of the godly abandoned it reads the righteous forsaken but the sentiment is the same; God won’t leave the godly, the righteous. More times than I like to admit, I don’t feel I’m godly or righteous. Is that when I feel abandoned? Yes.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 KJV

I mean that you have been saved by grace through believing. You did not save yourselves; it was a gift from God. It was not the result of your own efforts, so you cannot brag about it. Ephesians 2:8‭-‬9 NCV

When I read the bible I am redeemed. When I feel abandoned, the scripture reminds me of the love of God. While my own efforts can’t save me, and I recognize that is why when I haven’t done my best I feel abandoned, I’m reminded that God loves me, so I want to do my best to please him.

It’s impossible to please God without faith because the one who draws near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards people who try to find him. Hebrews 11:6 CEB

In the King James version instead of try to find him it reads diligently seek him which makes it more emphatic.

My conclusion is like the song says, I have good days but I also have hills to climb; I have weary days and sleepless nights, but God is good to me. Adversity can make us stronger when we’re pressing toward something. What seems like a dead end could be an opportunity to be creative. Broken hearts are painful but it can be a learning experience; it can reveal your strengths and your flaws so you can move on wiser. I may not know how to make my situation better right now, but I believe God knows what’s best for me, so I won’t complain.

The Enemy

When facing an enemy, never waver. Face the enemy with integrity and confidence. Face the enemy even when the physical battle you can’t win. You are defeated by the enemy when you think to highly of your abilities.

Confidence state of feeling certain about the truth of something.

Arrogance an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions – Merriam-Webster.com

The enemy manifest itself as intimidation and terror which can cause fear. Facing fear is facing the enemy.

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
John 10:10 NKJV

Ask for help. Pride is an enemy of success. Greed is an enemy of contentment. Impatience is an enemy of strategy. Self indulgence is an enemy of self control. The enemy is after your confidence and integrity.

When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom. Proverbs 11:2 NKJV

Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise. Proverbs 13:10 NLT

Too much pride brings disgrace; humility leads to honor. Proverbs 29:23 CEV

And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.
I Timothy 6:8 NKJV

Honest people are safe and secure, but the dishonest will be caught.
Proverbs 10:9 GNB

Sometimes we think more highly of our enemy not out of fear, but actual admiration. They seem more successful, have more people following and/or admiring them; they are richer, with more power. That’s when you should rethink. Examine why this is an enemy. The reality may reveal the enemy is not them, it’s you. Envy makes it seem like you’re facing an enemy when the truth is you’re facing someone who’s doing what you want to do better than you think you can do. When you live with integrity your confidence will face the enemy, even when the enemy is “inna me”.

Don’t confuse confidence with arrogance. Arrogance is being full of yourself, feeling you’re always right, and believing your accomplishments or abilities make you better than other people. People often believe arrogance is excessive confidence, but it’s really a lack of confidence. Arrogant people are insecure, and often repel others. Truly confident people feel good about themselves and attract others to them.

Christie Hartman

You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.

Eric Hoffer

Know your enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster.

Sun Tzu